How Your Childhood Affects You

The other night, they showed the Michael Jackson documentary on television, 'This Is It'; while watching, it got me thinking about how Jackson's abusive childhood really shaped him as an adult. Although MJ's case may be unusual and extreme, undoubtedly for everyone, our childhood and upbringing has an undeniable influence on the people we become and the way we think as we grow up.

For those who know me, I used to have long hair - as soon as I finished school, the freedom from uniform and dress-code allowed me to nurture long and flowing locks. I also liked heavy metal, the music of rebellion against conformity. About a couple of years ago, I had a sudden realization while I was meditating - an old memory surfaced from the depths of my mind like a sunken old ghost ship.

I remembered that once my mother took me to have a haircut at a new hair salon that opened in town; I was around nine years old, and too young for a boy of those times to really care about my appearance or be conscious of it. The hairdresser snipped away at my hair while I could see my mother standing anxiously in the reflection of the mirror. Snip, snip, snip, the hair dropped away, and the look on my mother's face turned from worry to anger. 'I don't like this haircut, it looks horrible!' she said, I had a bowl cut, and either way, I felt apathetic to the style. Although seeing my mother almost in tears and full of anger at the hairdresser, I realized, really upset me. When you are a kid, your parents are the foundation of your world, they are your safety bubble, and if anything should shake them up, then it will shake the kid up even more because the child looks to the parents for security and protection. I hated having my haircut from that day onwards, I didn't know it at the time, but subconsciously, hairdressers threatened the security of my world - so I grew my hair long as soon as I had got the chance.

Children look up to parents and the adults around them. They give their respect to their parents, trusting that they know what is right for them since their parents raised them from defenceless and helpless babies. There is a bond of trust between the parent and child, but the bond can be broken with the betrayal of abuse. As I said before, the parents are the centre of the universe of the child, if they should fall, then everything around it will too, because if you can't trust the people who brought you up, then who can you trust?

Many kids are not affected directly by their parents, as in the case of my haircut, it is the result of seeing my mother's reaction to something that a stranger had done, and that reaction was painful for me. It is for this reason, that I think it is wrong for parents to argue in front of their children, and to avoid showing any sign of weakness, for kids believe their parents are infallible and full of strength, and while they are still young, this perception should be upheld for the sake that they should grow up as secure and confident individuals. If parents argue about money in front of the child, then the child is no longer going to perceive their parents as in control, but money, as the child suddenly realizes that people who are in charge are not actually in charge, and the child develops an insecurity revolving around money or food, and later in life might feel the need to hoard or become obese to compensate for the insecurity from their childhood. Of course to note, this does not mean that you can't scold a child for being naughty, but do it for the right reasons - most children are disobedient for a reason, and sometimes it is a reaction to past parents behaviour.

Finally, a parent's anxiety can alter how a child perceives something, whether they view it as enjoyable or painful. Children, especially young children like to mimic their parents, particularly everyday tasks like cooking or shopping, they reenact in their play. If a parent finds a task particularly enjoyable, like football for example, then likewise the child will find the same enjoyment in the sport. Thus we can find simple correlations between the interests of parents and their children, and the easiest way to get a child interested in something, is by showing interest too. If you're anxious, then the child becomes anxious - anxiety paralyzes the learning ability of children, they should be relaxed to function optimally.

Why do most adults fear spiders? Fear is taught by the parents to their young kids. I doubt that most people have experienced a spider hurting them to warrant their fear later in life. Kids can grow up without anxiety, confidence is the greatest gift you can give to a child, and it is the gift that keeps on giving.

Begin Getting into Shape Strategies: PART 2

So you've started detoxifying your body, and you've slowly accustomed your muscles to exercise by going for long and longer walks, now you push your training level up a notch, and begin more serious exercise. Before you begin any exercise, it helps to develop a habit of putting yourself into the correct frame of mind before you start. This involves clearing your mind of any pressing problems or deadlines you have to meet, you're not going to entirely get rid of all these current issues, but it helps to unload the majority of them because although you may think they weigh only on the mind, just having them there can increase risk of injury and reduce your performance ability.

Begin, by standing with an upright posture, and slowly breathe in and breathe out. This will help remove tensions from your diaphragm which controls your lungs. Breathe all the way in, and exhale all the way out. Imagine that you are breathing in focus and clarity and exhaling troublesome thoughts. Do this until you feel comfortable and relaxed. Then proceed to do some stretching - you'll find that stretching comes much easier after this, as most tension in the muscles originate from the mind. Keep your mind clear while you stretch your body thoroughly. I won't explain any stretching exercises, you can do a search on YouTube if you don't know how - but it is important to do this before you initiate any kind of strenuous exercise to prevent cramp and injury, also it allows you to perform longer without your muscles stiffening up.

Nowadays, I do most of my exercise outdoors, for reasons I will explain another time, but for beginners, the gym is a safe environment to begin working out. At first it may be slightly intimidating for the first timer to a gym, but most people are too focused on their own exercises to care what anyone else is doing. Make sure you are familiar with the equipment before you begin using them by seeking the advice of a qualified instructor - if you're using the equipment incorrectly you could hurt yourself or others. When you start, like I said in my previous post, think LONG term - this is something you want to keep doing for the rest of your life, so don't burn yourself out by trying to overachieve your goal in a short period of time - this will have the effect of putting you off exercise and making you mentally and physically weaker in the long run. It is best to proceed slowly at a pace that is not relaxed but enough to challenge your heart rate - if you're too relaxed then you're not going to benefit, if you're going too hard, you're going to burn yourself out, you want to be in the middle so your heart is getting a good workout and the blood is really pumping around your body.

The most important part of maintaining a workout routine is frequency - Someone who works out twice a week benefits more than someone who does twice as much once a week. This is because unlike your brain, the body does not have a memory, it won't remember how much work it did two weeks ago. The longer you leave it, the more unfit you get. If you're extremely busy, and can't find to go to the gym, just doing a few minutes of 'maintenance' exercises at home is better than doing none at all, this is how you keep your body in shape - instead of waiting to make up for the lost time by doing a big bout in the gym when you do go - remember, the body has no memory, your fitness level drops quite fast if you're not maintaining it.

On some days, you probably won't feel in the mood to workout - everyone gets it, it's completely normal; we're not robots which can turn it on and turn it off. Sometimes, I feel too tired, or the idea of all those repetitions and sets makes me feel tired - but once I get the blood pumping, I forget about it. Your psychology plays a big role in determining how motivated you are. Most people when they see a hill, they look all the way to the top and think, 'pheww, that's a big hill!' and immediately feel exhausted just from thinking about it! That is a psychological weight, it burdens the body as much as the mind, and can exist in any form, whether it be about work or relationships, it can be the obstacle to our goals. Some motivators will tell you 'attack it! face your obstacle and charge at it!', but I take a different stance, obstacles are obstacles because they are seen as such. A mountain cannot be overcome by a single bound, but it can be done slowly with each step and each breath. So the trick is not to look at the top of the hill/mountain, but to focus on each step that brings you closer, because that's what each step does, it brings you closer to your goal - no matter how small.

When I go running, there are parts of my regular route which has long straights where I can see stretching all the way to the distance, I avoid looking that far, instead I gaze at the ground just a few metres ahead, looking up now and then to make sure that I'm not going to hit something. By concentrating on each stride I take, I'm not overwhelming myself with the entire task - I'm breaking it down and making it more manageable, I'm not giving myself something bigger than I can chew, and this is all mental as all things are in life. People who give up easily, tend to be those who expect the prize at the end. Each step that you take should be a reward in itself, because each step makes your healthier and fitter, and that is all you should keep in your mind, the more steps you take, the narrower the gap becomes between you and your target. When you train, you should remember that you're training your mind as well as your body.

When you manage to build up frequency in training, like I said already, there are going to be some days which you don't really feel like it. The best way to overcome this is not to set yourself a target for the exercises you do that day - on the treadmill, don't set the timer, just run without looking at the clock until you feel exhausted. If you've decided that you're tired before you've even begun, it's pointless to expect that you'll do each exercise with your normal intensity, so don't count your repetitions because you'll be disappointed and your morale will take a beating. Just exercise without counting or timing, you may even find that you do more than usual! Often it is our own expectation of ourselves that creates the burden, a performance anxiety which comes to those who demand too much of themselves. We all like to see progress, but we kick ourselves hard if we're not making any - it happens to everyone. Forget about numbers, let your body work until you sense it has had enough, you may surprise yourself, because when there is no pressure, we can do much better. Once you're done, be happy that you did something rather than nothing, and the next time you train you'll be grateful that you did your maintenance exercises.

The ability to think long term is unique to human beings, no other animal on this planet can hold a goal in their head for years or even a century. A goal may not appear achievable at first, because we're not able to see the fiftieth step from the first step, but as we draw closer to the fiftieth step, we have a better perspective on how to proceed to the hundredth step. Exercising and building a body to good health and fitness, requires a long term strategy. Your body is what you wear everyday, something that you carry with you for the rest of your life, whatever you have been given, you should make the most of what you've got. A fit body brings confidence and keeps the mind happy.