How Your Childhood Affects You

The other night, they showed the Michael Jackson documentary on television, 'This Is It'; while watching, it got me thinking about how Jackson's abusive childhood really shaped him as an adult. Although MJ's case may be unusual and extreme, undoubtedly for everyone, our childhood and upbringing has an undeniable influence on the people we become and the way we think as we grow up.

For those who know me, I used to have long hair - as soon as I finished school, the freedom from uniform and dress-code allowed me to nurture long and flowing locks. I also liked heavy metal, the music of rebellion against conformity. About a couple of years ago, I had a sudden realization while I was meditating - an old memory surfaced from the depths of my mind like a sunken old ghost ship.

I remembered that once my mother took me to have a haircut at a new hair salon that opened in town; I was around nine years old, and too young for a boy of those times to really care about my appearance or be conscious of it. The hairdresser snipped away at my hair while I could see my mother standing anxiously in the reflection of the mirror. Snip, snip, snip, the hair dropped away, and the look on my mother's face turned from worry to anger. 'I don't like this haircut, it looks horrible!' she said, I had a bowl cut, and either way, I felt apathetic to the style. Although seeing my mother almost in tears and full of anger at the hairdresser, I realized, really upset me. When you are a kid, your parents are the foundation of your world, they are your safety bubble, and if anything should shake them up, then it will shake the kid up even more because the child looks to the parents for security and protection. I hated having my haircut from that day onwards, I didn't know it at the time, but subconsciously, hairdressers threatened the security of my world - so I grew my hair long as soon as I had got the chance.

Children look up to parents and the adults around them. They give their respect to their parents, trusting that they know what is right for them since their parents raised them from defenceless and helpless babies. There is a bond of trust between the parent and child, but the bond can be broken with the betrayal of abuse. As I said before, the parents are the centre of the universe of the child, if they should fall, then everything around it will too, because if you can't trust the people who brought you up, then who can you trust?

Many kids are not affected directly by their parents, as in the case of my haircut, it is the result of seeing my mother's reaction to something that a stranger had done, and that reaction was painful for me. It is for this reason, that I think it is wrong for parents to argue in front of their children, and to avoid showing any sign of weakness, for kids believe their parents are infallible and full of strength, and while they are still young, this perception should be upheld for the sake that they should grow up as secure and confident individuals. If parents argue about money in front of the child, then the child is no longer going to perceive their parents as in control, but money, as the child suddenly realizes that people who are in charge are not actually in charge, and the child develops an insecurity revolving around money or food, and later in life might feel the need to hoard or become obese to compensate for the insecurity from their childhood. Of course to note, this does not mean that you can't scold a child for being naughty, but do it for the right reasons - most children are disobedient for a reason, and sometimes it is a reaction to past parents behaviour.

Finally, a parent's anxiety can alter how a child perceives something, whether they view it as enjoyable or painful. Children, especially young children like to mimic their parents, particularly everyday tasks like cooking or shopping, they reenact in their play. If a parent finds a task particularly enjoyable, like football for example, then likewise the child will find the same enjoyment in the sport. Thus we can find simple correlations between the interests of parents and their children, and the easiest way to get a child interested in something, is by showing interest too. If you're anxious, then the child becomes anxious - anxiety paralyzes the learning ability of children, they should be relaxed to function optimally.

Why do most adults fear spiders? Fear is taught by the parents to their young kids. I doubt that most people have experienced a spider hurting them to warrant their fear later in life. Kids can grow up without anxiety, confidence is the greatest gift you can give to a child, and it is the gift that keeps on giving.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

John Lennon's birthday — 9 October 1940

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